I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
