Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
