Tell her she can't have a vagina
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's paint friendship bongs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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