What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
