i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
