i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
