Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
