Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
