I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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