He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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