I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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