I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
