Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
