I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think people are normalizing furries
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize