hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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