Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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