if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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