Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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