Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
