the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
