So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
