Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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