Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
