so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
