Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
