Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
