he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Congratulations! We have a period
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