i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
