My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want a musical about memes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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