you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
