The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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