his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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