I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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