dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
