No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
