dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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