He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
