so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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