$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
