first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
