I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
