That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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