wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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