I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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