She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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