We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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