Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
