I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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