I cockslap morals
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
