:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
home. puking in laundry basket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
