i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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