p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
