Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
