you didnt know i had herpes?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
