Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
