i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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