Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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