batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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