from now on my penis is your penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
