NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
