I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
