You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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