I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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