Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
