Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize