Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
