mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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