Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
