There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
