i may or may not be watching the land before time
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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