mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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